“All you think of lately, is getting underneath me. All I dream of lately, is how to get ya underneath me…” Seraphin heard the alarm, distant at first, start to move her groggy body. And as with most mornings, she couldn’t help but shimmy with the catchy tune.
Her menagerie of animals roused around her, happy to see their human awake. “How are my babies this morning? Who’s needs to potty?” She asked the 4 smooshy faces staring at her. Their excitement increased at the mention of a word related to going outside. Swinging her legs out of bed, she sat up and gave each of her fur babies some love. But their smoochfest was interupted by her phone ringing on the table beside her.
Checking the screen, she saw the silly picture of her best friend from their last road trip appear.
“Jaqlyn, what’s up?” “Unfortunately, me. How you get up this early is beyond me.” Jaqlyn replied.
“It’s six fifteen. It’s not that early! And some of us actually have to work at staying in shape.”
“Thank God I’m not some. Now, quit talking. If I hang up now, I can still sleep for another two hours…”
“You called me!” Sera quipped.
“M-kay. I need a ride. Please and thank you. I’ll be ready by eight forty–five. Goodnight.”
Hanging up, Sera shook her head at her best friend. Inseparable since their freshman year in college, the two were more different than alike, but understood each other eerily well and accepted each other wholeheartedly.
“Your aunt is nutso, guys,” Sera told the herd watching her dress for her Crossfit class. An hour and a half later, Sera returned home to four raucous dogs and one sprite-like cat, all of whom were ready breakfast.
After grabbing their food, she let them eat while she threw a quick bowl of oatmeal and a couple of strips of bacon together for herself. Sitting out on her porch, watching the pups frolick, she ate and checked her emails, preparing for the day. Scanning her inbox, her eyes caught site of a familiar, but totally unexpected name.
She froze. Sera fumbled trying to set down her mug of orange juice, slamming it against the lip of the table. Sticky juice sloshed everywhere, but her eyes never left her Ipad. Sera could vaguely make out the sound of Oliver barking his little Frenchie head off over the roaring of blood in her ears. Her heart pounded and her breathing ratcheted up a few notches–a reaction she noticed, but was unable to control. Sera’s mind erupted at a sprint, rapidly firing off questions: Is this for real? Is it really her? Why after all this time? Is she okay? How did she remember?
Sharp teeth on Sera’s toes snapped her back to the present and before she was conscious enough to stop it, Willow was off with her slipper and halfway across the yard. She stared, blankly, at Oliver’s little sister, the resident shoe thief and foot fetishist.
Forcing herself to take a couple of deep breaths, Sera looked from the taunting dog, back to her Ipad and focused on the From address: qconnelly@gmail.com. QConnely.
There was no mistaking it. She knew only one Q. Connely. And not many people used her old address which still forwarded to her current account. Sera mentally took a step back, ignoring the swell of conflicting emotions ravaging her insides to visualize them in pie chart form–one of her favorite ways to cope with overwhelming thoughts or decisions.
Taking stock, she surmised she was about forty percent surprised and equal parts unnerved and elated. She wasn’t sure why, after all this time, Quinn would contact her. It had been years since they last spoke, and not a day had it been easy.
“Well, guys,” she said, looking at each of the dogs collapsed at her feet, “what do you think she wants?” Sera looked to Jaxyn, her oldest pup and confidant.
“What do you think, Jaxy?” Coming to a stop in front of her master, Jaxyn politely put her paw up on Sera’s leg. Taking Jaxyn’s head in her hands, Sera kissed the dog square on her squishy, fuzzy lips.
“Thanks for the support, Sweets. I love you, too.” Jaxyn’s nub wagged wildly and Sera looked from Jaxyn’s jovial grin to the email, letting her eyes fall on the title she glanced over before. “Pimento Cheese and Fish Sticks”.
Sera inhaled sharply, oblivious to the startled dogs surrounding her, who teetered between excited and alarmed. Her eyes burned and her nose tingled, preparing for the tears.
The memory flashed into her mind, pulling at her, plowing into her like a bug into a windshield. Surrendering, Sera closed her eyes and let the memory of her first official date with Quinn wash over her.
A day that looked like a series of unfortunate events ended up becoming their Day of One Very Fortunate Event, as they’d later refer to it. Meeting under some of the most awkward circumstances, including a vet visit involving one exceptionally nervous dog stomach and a helicopter poop assault, it was immediately clear to Sera that there was an undeniable spark between them–though it wouldn’t be until after the visit that either of them would do anything about it. By the end of her shift that fateful day, Sera hadn’t been able to get Quinn off her mind. The way they’d laughed hysterically at the insanity of the situation made her smile. And the way Quinn insisted on helping clean up, while thoroughly apologizing showed her kindness and consideration.
Above all else, it was Quinn’s sympathy and compassion for poor nervous Baxter that touched Sera the most. Quinn never raised her voice or reprimanded the dog for his accident, like she saw so many other owners do. Instead, Quinn took a minute to rub Baxter’s stomach and murmur into his ear, calming him down, making sure he was alright.
It was that moment that later had Sera ignoring the rules when she looked up Quinn’s number in her chart. Using a concerned checkup on Baxter as reason for the call, Sera offered to bring something over to settle the pooch’s stomach.
And the ploy worked.
Sera’s ringing phone yanked her from her reverie. She took a deep breath and checked the name on the screen. Seeing Jaq’s face she checked the time–already five minutes late and she wasn’t even dressed yet.
“Sorry! Two minutes and I’m on my way!” Sera shouted, answering the phone and just as quickly ending it with Jaq mid-sentence. Running through the house, Sera threw on clothes and grabbed her things. She was out the door in a minute and forty-seven seconds she noticed, when she punched Jaq’s speed dial.
“I’m around the corner, come out, I’ll slow down a little,” Sera teased.
“Ha-ha. Your just lucky my boss happens to love me,” Jaq told her, sliding in to the passenger seat.
“Not if you don’t bring him his coffee and donuts he won’t. I should know.” A smile came to Sera’s lips as she sped down the dirt road leading to her family’s ranch.
“No kidding. Your dad still goes on and on about how his own daughter won’t indulge him after all he’s done raising you and keeping you alive all these years. And about how I’m the daughter he never had,” Jaq added, stealing a glance at Sera.
“Hey, it’s not my fault you learned to ride a horse better than I did. You sure had enough practice with your endless stream of men.”
“Don’t be jealous, you know I’ll still teach you,” Jaq added, leaning over the console, sliding her hand over Sera’s chest. Sera braked hard outside the barn, laughing as she swatted Jaq’s hand away.
“You missed that boat a long time ago. Now get out of here before I tell your boss you’re trying to corrupt his little girl!”
Instead of getting out, Jaq turned to face her. “What’s going on?” she asked. Sera furrowed her brow, knowing she was caught.
“What? What are you talking about?” Jaq knew her better than she knew herself. It wasn’t like she was keeping the email from Jaq but it wasn’t the right time. She hadn’t had any time to process how she felt about it and they both needed to get to work.
“Seriously, Ms. If You’re On Time You’re Late?” Jaq rolled her eyes and reclicked the seatbelt she had taken off. Dropping her head back on the headrest, Sera sighed.
“I got an email from Quinn this morning. Okay, thank you, goodbye.” Sera made a play for Jaq’s seatbelt. She was met with an arched eyebrow and hung her head.
“Come on,” she whined. “I’m late. I’ll tell you all about it tonight.” She looked to Jaq to see if her placation worked and watched both her friend’s eyebrows shoot up.
“Fine! If you get out of the car and let me go to work, I’ll forward you the email when I get a minute.” Sighing and feigning interest in her nails, Jaq didn’t budge. Sera looked around, exasperated. Moaning, she pulled out her phone and called up Quinn’s email, forwarding it to Jaq and showing her the screen. As soon as Jaq heard her phone’s email alert, she smiled brightly and climbed out of the car.
“Thank you!” She said as she jogged into the barn.
Shaking her head, Sera threw her truck in reverse and peeled out on the white caliche. She had known Jaq for twenty-one years. They knew each other better than they knew their own sisters. She wasn’t sure why she thought she could sneak anything past her best friend. Jaq was the only one to tell her the truth when she ended things with Quinn. And hearing that Jaq thought she was making a mistake wasn’t the easiest thing, but she loved her for her honesty. Jaq had the balls to put words to what she already feared.
Flipping through the stations as she drove through town, Sera briefly heard a few notes she knew all too well. Notes she usually couldn’t forget fast enough. But this time, she switched back to the station they’d come from. Sitting at an intersection, she stared, unfocused and listened to the lyrics she still knew by heart.
‘…And I will swallow my pride. You’re the one that I love. And I’m saying goodbye… Say something, I’m giving up on you. I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you. Anywhere, I would have followed you. Say something, I’m giving up on you…’
Say Something, by Ian Axel. Sera wasn’t sure if she appreciated him for writing a song that so aptly fit her break up with Quinn, or if she hated him for writing something that set such a gut-wrenching experience to music.
Without knowing how, Sera found herself parked behind her vet’s office, tears streaking her cheeks. She wasn’t sure when the song ended or how long she was sat there, but she was sure where her mind went. She couldn’t hear that song without thinking of Quinn, of the hurt in her eyes when Quinn pleaded with her to explain what was happening–when she begged Sera not to leave her. Part of her heart still ached just as deeply as it had the day she left Quinn, and all the days since. She knew time didn’t heal all wounds. Some wounds weren’t meant to heal. They were meant to remind you of something you weren’t supposed to forget.
When the back door to the office popped open, Sera swipped the tears from her face and gathered her things. Susan, the office manager, was looking for her and she didn’t want to talk about the tears she wanted to hide. Sera got out of the car and opened the back door, shuffling things around to buy time.
“I’ll be right in, Susan!” She yelled. “My dad had a problem with one of the calfs this morning, so I got a late start!” She hated lying to Susan.
The woman was like a second mother to her, but sometimes white lies were easier than dealing with the truth. Sera heaved a sigh of relief when Susan waved and closed the door, leaving her to pull herself together. She knew she had to respond to Quinn’s email–not just for Quinn, but for herself. She knew she had waited long enough. If three years hadn’t lessened the pain surrounding her thoughts about Quinn, there was no point in ignoring her any longer. She deal with it tonight.
Distracting herself with work was a success. Sera had a few surgeries to keep her mind occupied in the morning, but now, back in her office a few minutes before lunch, she heard a faint tap at her door.
Looking up she saw Jaq holding a bag of take out and a warm smile.
“Hey you, can I come in?” Jaq asked.
”Who’d you blow to get you here and don’t say my dad. Ooo and is that Antonio’s?” Sera asked, referring to the bag of food.
“That stable boy John, and a wink was all it took. Of course it’s Antonio’s. What do you take me for?” Jaq said, slipping into the chair opposite Sera’s. Sera leaned back and sighed loudly, rubbing her hands over her face.
“So, how are you?” Jaq kept her eyes on Sera while she separated and opened the food, sliding a steaming plate of lasagna over in front of her friend.
“Shocked.” Jaq nodded. “I bet. Me, too.” She twirled a forkfull of noodles. “Are you going to respond? I think you should.”
This time, it was Sera’s turn to nod.
“Good!” Jaq exclaimed, reaching into another bag, bringing out a bottle of red wine.
“I was hoping you’d see things my way, so I brought your favorite inhibition reducer.” Sera smiled for the first time since she first read Quinn’s email that morning.
“I love you, Jaq.”
“I know you do. I love you, too. Now hurry up and eat. You’ve got to drive me back to work,” Jaq added, flashing a killer smile.
The whole drive home Sera thought about what she would say to Quinn. Why did it always seem so easy to think of what you want to say until it was time to actually say it?
Moscato in hand, Sera headed into the house on a mission. She grabbed a wine glass, fired up her laptop and let the dogs out, determined not to lose her courage. She had chickened out all those years ago and ended things with Quinn. And it was Quinn who’d reached out here and there since then. Now it was time to step up and face the guilt.
Once the dogs were in and fed, she gave each of them some love and then tossed them all a bone before she curled up on the couch, downing an entire glass of wine. She brought up her email and re-read Quinn’s words, well into her second glass of wine. ‘…halfway around the world…’ The line stuck out this time around. Sera had heard, through friends, that about a year after they had ended things, Quinn joined the Army. But at the time, much like everything else she did with things involving Quinn, she blocked it out and only now began to realize what that meant. She must be deployed. Was she safe? When would she come home? Would she come home?
Sera’s mind reeled at the last thought. What if something happened to Quinn before she got to see her again? What if something happened before Quinn knew how she felt? With the possibilities of things she didn’t want to imagine swirling in her mind, Sera finished her glass and started typing.
Read Sahm Moore 